1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:03,439 It's you! 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,999 Why not roll out an entire campaign? 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,679 With the both of you! 4 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,399 It's better than the plan! 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,799 It is real, it is raw, it is clickable. 6 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,599 When I was married, I had an affair with the neighbour next door. 7 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,919 What was that? 8 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,759 The high life is me translating dirty talk 9 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,600 for some horny Spanish wunderkind. 10 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,799 Clearly a slice of sadness to this wedding. 11 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,679 Her and Abe are absolutely perfect together. 12 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,319 - You wouldn't believe. - Then why is she crying? 13 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,039 I miss you. I thought about you all the time. 14 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,359 You're not good for me. 15 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,999 And, um, because of that, 16 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,999 I think it's probably best that we just see each other around. 17 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,999 And you know I'll do anything to make you happy. 18 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,559 I need you to sell the house. 19 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,000 I don't think I can do that. 20 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,559 Let's talk wedding venues. 21 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,999 I thought we agreed on the hotel in Dorset? 22 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,799 Ah, yes, so turns out it was already booked by our 23 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,679 in cancer remission. 24 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,559 Understandably, it was a light pencil. 25 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,399 How do we feel about castles? 26 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,479 - Oh! - There's one here with a functioning moat 27 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,159 and a Red Bull sponsorship. 28 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,239 Does it have a lift? 29 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,639 Mmm! 30 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:14,999 - We will look into that. - Yes. 31 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,999 Yeah. OK, moving on... 32 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,599 Hen do! 33 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:23,319 We're thinking immersive, live-streamed, 34 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,999 head-mounted GoPro - 35 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,999 you bring the viewer with you! 36 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,639 But isn't it a spa day? 37 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,559 I mean, massages, robes, bit of tequila...? 38 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,319 We are three months away from the wedding. 39 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,359 We need to ramp it up! 40 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,839 - And put ramps everywhere! For you! - LAUGHTER 41 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:44,479 So our goal is to break one mil by the end of the honeymoon. 42 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,599 We're in the room right next door, aren't we, Olivia? 43 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,919 - Yassu! - Yassu! 44 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,999 Now, do you mind if I take a quick boomerang 45 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,440 of you having one of these lovely biccies? 46 00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,800 That's brilliant. 47 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000 Oh, good - a hard launch for toast? 48 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,119 Maybe you should tag the eggs? 49 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,999 Well, I'm just keeping up with the brief. 50 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,079 But, er, message received. 51 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,359 No, no, let's commit. 52 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,399 Give the people what they really want - 53 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,799 gritty disabled realism! 54 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:28,999 - Huh? - OK. 55 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,159 No, no, post a reel of you and Ty - deadlifting me into the shower. 56 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,999 - Freya... - ...or a house tour! 57 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,279 Yeah? 58 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,719 "Here's where I can't reach anything. 59 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,999 "Here's the ramp that wants me dead. 60 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,359 "Here's upstairs... 61 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,119 "Oh, I've never been!" 62 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,959 I hear you! 63 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,439 You could have an entire third family up there 64 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,040 and I wouldn't even know it. 65 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,720 I'm going to talk to Jane about further renovations, OK? 66 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,999 I'm sorry. 67 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,560 I love you. 68 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,480 Yes, obviously. 69 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,879 Renewal, resurgence, rebirth - 70 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,999 like a caterpillar from a cocoon. 71 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,919 Except it's not a cocoon - it's a womb. 72 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,359 Your womb. 73 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,960 You are emerging from yourself. 74 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,359 Yeah, I can cut you some hand slits - 75 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,960 but only if you feel ready to receive them. 76 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,799 Right, and... and this is definitely the fabric? 77 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,999 It does look a little like she's been excreted. 78 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,639 Well, technically it's a transitional membrane 79 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,719 designed for hibernating zoo snakes - 80 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,159 but, yes. 81 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:48,279 And, um, how does she go backwards in this thing? 82 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,479 Is it a series of three-point turns or...? 83 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,479 Why would anyone want to go backwards in this life? 84 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,599 Bean, it really is so... 85 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:57,999 ...creative. 86 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:02,999 I just don't know if it's giving me "wedding dress". 87 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,759 You hate it? 88 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:05,999 Oh... 89 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,999 That means it's working. 90 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,999 Are you scared of the dress's disruptive potential, 91 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,759 or your own? 92 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,800 Ooh...! 93 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,999 I'm sorry, 94 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,399 I-I just... 95 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,799 I just don't know if it's THE dress. 96 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,479 It's not THE dress - 97 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,479 because there is no dress. 98 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,999 There is just evolution, 99 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,279 transition and expansion, 100 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:36,200 gestation and expulsion. 101 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,399 That is marriage. 102 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,040 FINGER CLICK Mm! 103 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,800 - Yes. - Mm. 104 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,720 Yeah, I think it's some of my finest work. 105 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,999 What did he say? 106 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,679 Er, he said that he wants to feel your wet bikini bottoms - 107 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,919 but, like, not wet from the pool. 108 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,279 - What? - Er, yeah, I know. 109 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,119 It's a bit convoluted. 110 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,160 Right, well, tell him he needs to make them wet, then. 111 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,720 What did he say? 112 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:51,119 - Jo? - Er, sorry, that he wants you to stand on his face, or something. 113 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,599 Did he? 114 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,319 Well, tell him I'll dominate him all night long 115 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,560 and I won't stop until he begs me. 116 00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,999 Jo? Jo, que? 117 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,240 Um... 118 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,600 - Pegging? - Pegging. 119 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,000 Just ask Alexa. 120 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,919 DOORBELL RINGS 121 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,280 I'll get it! 122 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,920 - No means no, Jo. - I'm here for Freya. 123 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,720 Hen stuff. 124 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,040 Hmm! 125 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,400 Actually, do you have a minute? 126 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,239 Can we talk, like, privately? 127 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,599 Like, in your room? 128 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,879 No... 129 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,280 Better with witnesses. Less chance of an emotional drive-by. 130 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,719 Is that my shirt? 131 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,239 No, this is just a common men's shirt. 132 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,999 From shirts.com. 133 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,399 Fine. 134 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,239 I'll be out of your hair soon anyway. 135 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,560 I'm moving to New York. 136 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,999 Er, yeah. 137 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:12,399 A couple of months ago, whilst I was drunk and on antibiotics, 138 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,559 I supposedly... 139 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,479 ...applied for this writing programme in New York, 140 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,679 and I got in. And, um, yeah, it's... 141 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,160 It's kind of legit, so... 142 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:28,999 Yeah, you know, there's not much keeping me here, so maybe... 143 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,999 Maybe it's time for a change. 144 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,159 Well, thank you for the big press release. 145 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,319 And now, if you don't mind, 146 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,280 I'm actually preparing for a job interview. 147 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,320 Good luck telling Freya that you're abandoning her again. 148 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,119 Jo? The Livs are almost here! 149 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,479 Hey, you party-ready? 150 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,159 She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals 151 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,999 GIGGLING Oh, here we are, ladies! 152 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,319 This is it! 153 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,839 Pool reveal! 154 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,399 Perfect for posting, ladies. 155 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,399 I am into this deranged gingerbread house vibe. 156 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,639 Whoo! 157 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,999 Love this! 158 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,999 Love the gargoyles. 159 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,799 - I know! - Very Snow White chic. 160 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,239 ♪ She drives me crazy 161 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,039 ♪ Ooh-ooh 162 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,319 ♪ Like no-one else 163 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:27,999 ♪ Ooh-ooh 164 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,799 ♪ She drives me crazy 165 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,040 ♪ And I can't help myself... ♪ 166 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,519 Who are these people? 167 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,719 These are your hens! 168 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,759 It's a smorgasbord of our amazing clients. 169 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,479 Of course. Yeah. 170 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,599 Are we supposed to wearing those? 171 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,479 Yes, we are, darling. 172 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,999 Mm-hm. Bought them from Vinted. 173 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,679 Thought it'd be gay to wear them. 174 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:56,999 Gay as in fun. 175 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,040 - We're bringing it back. - Is that blood? 176 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:01,679 Yes. 177 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,120 Yes, it is. 178 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,200 Oh. 179 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,600 It's a little early to be drinking, isn't it? 180 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,999 Why are they here? 181 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,999 Please get them out of my house. 182 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,839 Ah, you see, in my defence, it is OUR house 183 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,999 and I would like to store my books in my section of our attic. 184 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,439 - OK? - All right. 185 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,999 I'm just sorry they're not selling. 186 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,119 Oh, they are selling. 187 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,519 They're flying off the shelves. 188 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:31,999 They're talking about doing a second print run 189 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,239 with all the five-star reviews 190 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,559 and a sex positive foreword by Gillian Anderson. 191 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,160 Happy you're getting the recognition you deserve. 192 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,879 I'm just sampling wines for the wedding. 193 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,999 Uh-huh. Listen, I... 194 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,159 I genuinely had no idea you were going to take this that badly. 195 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,519 Not taking it anything. 196 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,639 I'm taking it like an absolute stud. 197 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,079 - Are you? - Yeah. 198 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,519 I was just drafting my own memoir in my head. 199 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,999 Think I'm going to call it, um, 200 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,559 Why the Flying Fuck Didn't I Divorce Her Sooner? 201 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,239 Or something. 202 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,600 Guaranteed best-seller. 203 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,759 And we are live, girlies! 204 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,639 And we have 23 brave, beautiful viewers already! 205 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,719 - Ooh! - Yes. 206 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,919 Well, let's crack on with the games, I reckon! 207 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,239 - Yeah. - These hens, they're not free-range. 208 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,279 They're on hourly rates! 209 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,159 Wait, they're being paid to be here? 210 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,759 As PA of honour, 211 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,719 aka Party Architect... 212 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,799 CHEERING Yeah! Come on! 213 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,999 ...OK, I'd like to introduce our very first game! 214 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,999 It's called Mr and Mrs, 215 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,999 and it is the ultimate compatibility quiz! 216 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,159 All right? Jo, would you like to do the honours? 217 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,159 Er, OK. 218 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,439 Um, who is Abe's celebrity crush? 219 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:47,319 - Ooh! - Um, Emily Blunt? 220 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,279 Emily Blunt?! 221 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,479 - Shall we find out? - Yes. 222 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:52,799 Hello, ladies! 223 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,999 Right, celebrity crush? 224 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,520 I'm going to say... 225 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,919 - ...it's Nigella Lawson. - Ah! 226 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,359 Especially the Christmas special 227 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,799 when she basted that turkey. 228 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,119 - That was... - Whoo! 229 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,159 ...hypnotic. 230 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,479 That was wrong, Freya! 231 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,999 So, actually, you know what you need to do? 232 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,919 - Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! - You need to have one of these! 233 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,399 CHEERING 234 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,719 Who said "I love you" first? 235 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:18,999 Oh, OK, that one's easy. 236 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,799 Yeah, him, 100%. 237 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,759 Oh, it was magical. 238 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,999 Couldn't stop looking at her. 239 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,799 And then she said those three little words, "I love you." 240 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:30,999 Aw! 241 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,279 It's another wrong answer, Freya, 242 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,039 so, er, buckle up. 243 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,479 Whoo! 244 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,039 Do you even know this dude? 245 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,999 CROSSTALK 246 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,999 I mean, it's really not fair. 247 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,519 Have you even read my book? 248 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:47,639 Oh, have you written a book? 249 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,999 Cos in the end, if you get to the last chapter, 250 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,999 I say I actually really loved our marriage. 251 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,999 So much talk of marriage. 252 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,319 Can't stop writing about it, can't stop talking about it. 253 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,799 - Is you an ickle bit jealous? - Fuck off! Fuck...! 254 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,159 Right, you couldn't pay me to be in a committed relationship right now. 255 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,679 There's just so much compromise, isn't there? 256 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,959 I mean, look at you. Who even are you? 257 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,439 You hate rose! 258 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,639 Turns out it just has to be good rose. 259 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,839 I don't believe you. 260 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,399 - If you're going to be this... - Right, right, right. 261 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,159 - ...pig-headed about everything... - OK, what is going on? 262 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,519 - Hi. - All of this yelling while I'm trying to have a wank 263 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,919 is giving me weird childhood flashbacks, all right? 264 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,439 So I'm going to need you to tone it down 265 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,999 if I'm going to stand any chance of getting anything done up there. 266 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,999 Sorry. 267 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,239 - Mm, that is quite good, actually. - I know, right? 268 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,799 Wait, sorry, why are you day drinking? 269 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:34,239 Because your father is trying to squeeze himself 270 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,999 into this new life one drink at a time. 271 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,319 OK, well, that's weird. 272 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,079 Don't make a habit out of it, either of you. 273 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,999 Well, if you are going to do another lap around the marital track... 274 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,599 - Marriage again? - ...might I give you some notes? 275 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,399 Ooh, OK, this is actually far more interesting 276 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,079 than the porn I was watching, so I'm going to grab a pew. 277 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,799 This time, maybe don't cry quite so much during the vows. 278 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,799 I mean, it's not that it wasn't tremendously touching - 279 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:03,479 it was - but people really just want to go for a piss 280 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,719 and have a glass of prosecco. 281 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,999 Really don't need wedding day notes, 282 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,439 especially not from the woman who insisted on choreographing 283 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,319 our ridiculous first dance. 284 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,599 Ridiculous?! 285 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,599 Close To Me by The Cure 286 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,679 - Ah, remember! - Ooh! 287 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,999 Actual post traumatic dance disorder. 288 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,999 This is before anyone else did it, right. 289 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,359 Sure... 290 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,200 - Wow. - Mum's already going. Feeling limber, Dad? 291 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,040 OK. 292 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,400 So this was professionally choreographed, was it? 293 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,639 LAUGHTER OK! 294 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,239 - You keep saying OK. - Yeah! 295 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,919 Oh, and round. 296 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,320 One, two. 297 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,719 - Oh! - Whoa! 298 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,159 You always used to trip me there, 299 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,559 - every single time. - I do remember that. 300 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,599 - I do remember that. - This is nice, isn't it? 301 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,679 Look at you. It's almost like Lindsay Lohan was right 302 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,199 to Parent Trap hers back together. 303 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,719 Back together? Sorry, have you not read my chapter on bonobos? 304 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,239 Yeah, I'm waiting for the audio book. 305 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,199 No, I think we're both perfectly happy with where we are now. 306 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,119 Absolutely. 307 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:15,919 Really? What, you're OK that Sam's death, 308 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,200 you know, broke things between you? 309 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,680 Well, I think it's a little bit more complex than that. 310 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,999 But, er, yeah, 311 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,639 sometimes life throws more storm at you than you're prepared for. 312 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,879 And I think we wish we'd weathered it differently, 313 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,679 but we accept the wreckage. 314 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,120 I mean, it has a kind of charm. 315 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,680 Oh, Bug. 316 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,719 If you learn anything from us, 317 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:54,440 don't let life's mess get in the way of what really matters. 318 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,760 Yeah, you've got to embrace the mess. 319 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,399 Actually, um, did I say that I had...? 320 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,399 That there was...? That I had...? 321 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,600 Bye! 322 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,999 One more time? 323 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,279 Fuck no. 324 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,159 Tell us about losing your V-card. 325 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,919 - Ooh! - Yes! 326 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,999 Why don't we take a little quick break? 327 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,639 Like a little cig or...? 328 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,439 Come on, at least tell us the age! 329 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,559 Got hundreds of followers now - they want deets! 330 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,519 - They want positions! - Oh, yeah! 331 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,759 WHOOPING Freya, you don't have to. 332 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,359 - - Cherry bomb! Cherry bomb! 333 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,599 - Cherry bomb! Cherry bomb! - Seriously, you don't have to. 334 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,999 Cherry bomb! Cherry bomb! 335 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,999 Fine! Sure, yeah. WHOOPING 336 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,479 Er, it was just before my 16th birthday. 337 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,319 I was ridiculously in love. 338 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,079 - Aw! - Everyone thought we were going to be together forever. 339 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,999 Um... 340 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,999 And then I had my accident 341 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,799 and became tetraplegic, 342 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,799 and then I went into rehab for a year 343 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,799 to relearn everything that I knew about my body 344 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,799 and, er, the world. 345 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,079 And then, one night, 346 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,480 he snuck into rehab and we had sex. 347 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,639 It wasn't really the first time I imagined. 348 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,279 But we were in love. 349 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,719 Aw! 350 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,400 And then he never called me again. 351 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,000 Ahem. 352 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,839 MUSIC PLAYS KLAXON SOUNDS 353 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,999 Is it 6pm already? Oh! 354 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,799 Well, put your hands together for... 355 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,639 Crip-Tease Dan! 356 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,360 WHOOPING 357 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,920 CHEERING 358 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,080 SQUEALING Run me over, king! 359 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,999 You want to add him on social? 360 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,759 - How extraordinary. - That's fun. 361 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,999 I'm fussing. I'm hot. 362 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,719 LATCH CLICKS This fucking door! 363 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,199 Jo! Jo, sh! 364 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,719 Jesus Christ! Are you crazy? 365 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,359 Yes, crazy is my brand. Come on. 366 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,759 You can't be here. 367 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,160 Don't go to New York. 368 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,160 Whoa! Whoa! 369 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,719 Stop! Stop! 370 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,239 Stop it! 371 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,119 Sorry, Crip-Tease Dan. Full respect. 372 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,999 I can't do this. 373 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:19,799 Look, I'm tired of being scheduled and sponsored and streamed. 374 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,359 I've had enough, you know? 375 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,359 And I... And I can't ignore the fact that I'm completely incompatible 376 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,599 with my fiance. 377 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,799 You know what I want to do? 378 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,799 Yeah, I want to go swimming. 379 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,039 Yeah, but I can't because I'm terrified of fucking water 380 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,520 since I became disabled. 381 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,999 Is that the content you want? 382 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:41,279 Huh? Because this whole hen do and sponsored wedding 383 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,999 is so fucking lame. 384 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,319 SHOCKED GASPS Ooh, no! 385 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:46,999 What? OK, I'm confused. 386 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,679 I want to do it all with you. 387 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,639 Especially the mess. 388 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:52,999 Mess? 389 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,599 OK, now I'm getting mixed signals. I... 390 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,999 LATCH CLICKS Fuck! 391 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,999 - Jesus. - Jo, are you there? 392 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,759 Jo? 393 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,359 Jo, I need to talk to you. 394 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,999 This is definitely the best one. 395 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,239 - Oh. - Jane. - Fuck. 396 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,120 - Maybe it was that one. - Jane?! 397 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,519 - What? - I'm ready. 398 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,040 To sell the house. 399 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,000 Oh. 400 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,559 Oh, wow. 401 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,920 OK. 402 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,040 And I want to say sorry for holding on. 403 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:34,000 I think I just needed to, you know... 404 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,119 ...let go in stages. 405 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,559 Yeah, I mean, it's funny. 406 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,599 I mean, I've been waiting for this moment for years - 407 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,360 but now it's actually here, I feel a bit... 408 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,240 We will always be family. 409 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,080 - Do you want me to get off? - Yeah, can you...? - Yeah, I'm sorry. 410 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:08,759 You know, and I really honestly couldn't be more happy 411 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,480 - for you and Freya. - I know. 412 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,719 To the future. 413 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,720 To my sequel, ballsack. 414 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,079 I need to pee and I need to say this. 415 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,839 I think maybe, actually, I've just been scared 416 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,319 that I wouldn't find anyone else. 417 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,479 Which is essentially internalised ableism, right, 418 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,719 and probably not the best reason to be getting married? 419 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,999 Maybe we should talk somewhere else? 420 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,199 I hate how everyone acts 421 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,119 like I'm so lucky to have him, you know? 422 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,439 Like, it's infantilising. 423 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,799 I don't need to be taken care of! 424 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,999 Right? I want to fuck in Paris! 425 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,319 Freya. Freya, as your PA of Honour, 426 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,999 I've watched you and Abe very closely - 427 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,400 and that's love, man. 428 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,919 Also, if you ever need a surrogate, I do sincerely hope it's me. 429 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,479 Oh, too far, Ty. 430 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,999 Fair enough. THEY STRAIN 431 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,199 Oh, my God! 432 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,559 I need to talk to Abe. 433 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,119 Yeah, I have to tell him to come here. 434 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,679 What, here? Now? 435 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,159 Yeah, here, now. 436 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,520 OK, er... 437 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,359 The condom company... 438 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,799 - Yeah? - ...pulled out. For God's sake. 439 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,759 Well, of course they were going to pull out. Not like that. 440 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,919 But do you know what I mean? 441 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,119 I think I'm going to have a panic attack. 442 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,239 Absolute nightmare. 443 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,799 Oh, Olivia, Olyvya? 444 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,479 I think I've finally found my voice. 445 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,719 Well, no, you're not finding your voice, darling, 446 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,199 because our sponsors have pulled out, haven't they? 447 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,559 In your impassioned speech... 448 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,919 But I was just being honest. 449 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,319 Mmm. You called the entire sponsored wedding "lame". 450 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,839 "Lame" - on camera. 451 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,839 The online disabled community, 452 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,639 they are currently dragging you for being grossly ableist. 453 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,159 You're trending. 454 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,399 In a bad way. 455 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,399 They're dragging your ass. You're cancelled. 456 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,799 - Rip. - RIP, she means. 457 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,159 Just fuck. I never say that. 458 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,999 - I never say that. - Yes, well, you did say it, didn't you? 459 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,999 Yeah, you did. You did. You said it, didn't you? Yeah. 460 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,359 So we have to send a big fat apology. 461 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,799 - Yeah. - We've got to livestream it, yeah? 462 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,999 - A big donation. Children In Need, we're thinking. - Yeah. 463 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,879 - Pudsey Bear. - Might work. - Yeah. 464 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,799 Suck on that. You're going to need it. 465 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:10,999 OK, Levi... 466 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,399 Gosh, these women-only identifying spaces are incredible! 467 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,039 - I mean, the healing! - Levi! 468 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,640 - Sorry, sorry. - I love you, too. 469 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,679 Um... 470 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,999 I just feel like maybe we're not good for each other. 471 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,679 Maybe we're... 472 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,679 Maybe we're too fucked up. 473 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,999 Yes, maybe. 474 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:34,519 But also, maybe, what if we are the type of fucked up that fits? 475 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:40,799 Because every time I'm with you, I feel a little bit less broken. 476 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,720 And I also feel consistently turned on. 477 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,439 I'm just trying to get my life together, 478 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,999 and I need someone that can... 479 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,439 T-That you can rely on. 480 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,599 Yeah, exactly. Me, too. 481 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,719 We both need each other. 482 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,159 So, er, why don't you, just for once, 483 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,040 please, please just stay? 484 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,439 Did I just see Ty straddling a half-naked man 485 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,479 using a wheelchair? 486 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,920 I thought this was a spa day! 487 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,759 Abe, I need to say something - and I just need you to listen. 488 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,199 OK? 489 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,639 OK. 490 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:40,999 We lost the sponsorship. 491 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,239 I accidentally said the L world on livestream. 492 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,799 What? Lesbian? 493 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,519 Not quite. 494 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,679 But the Olivias think that they can fix it. 495 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,040 OK, good. 496 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:56,679 I just don't know if I do want to fix it, Abe. 497 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:01,279 I'm so tired of saying yes to everything. 498 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,680 To... 499 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,999 That I have to be grateful for every single opportunity, 500 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,199 just because I'm a wheelchair user. 501 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,999 I want to fuck in Paris. 502 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,239 With you. 503 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,199 OK. 504 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,679 Unexpected turn, not unwelcome. 505 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,559 But I think maybe this wedding's just happening too fast. 506 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,799 Mm. 507 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,159 I'm more than happy to postpone it. 508 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:32,639 Certainly happy to lose the sponsorship, you know? 509 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,799 I just want to marry you. 510 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,520 Properly. 511 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,639 I told Jane I was ready to sell the house. 512 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,359 What, really? 513 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,760 Yeah. 514 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:51,279 Thought we could find ourselves a nice little new-build. 515 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,759 You know? Fully accessible. 516 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,960 You wouldn't have to worry about anything. 517 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,080 I just want to take care of you. 518 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,760 But I don't want that. 519 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,720 Actually, I think... 520 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:17,999 ...maybe I just need a bit of time? 521 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,999 Yeah. Well, we'll... 522 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,199 We'll postpone. 523 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,440 Time from us. 524 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,040 Sorry, that's not what I was expecting to say. 525 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,119 I-I love you. I love you so much. 526 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:40,999 It's just been a really weird time and, er, I don't know... 527 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,719 It's OK. It's OK. 528 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,320 I'm sorry. 529 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,360 - I'm so... - You take your time. 530 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,040 It'll be OK. 531 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,439 Freya? 532 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,200 Freya! Hey! 533 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,600 Hey! Here you are. 534 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:15,800 Are you OK? 535 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,240 I think I just broke up with Abe. 536 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,479 Shit. I'm so sorry. 537 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,040 How did he take it? 538 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,040 Mature and lovingly, which made it even worse. 539 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,519 I'm so sorry. 540 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,040 Hey, listen, I'm here. 541 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,439 Don't worry. 542 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:45,999 We got this. 543 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,399 Together. 544 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,559 Oh, please. 545 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,239 I never needed you. 546 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,560 That's gross. 547 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,479 Not even a little. 548 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,159 Good. 549 00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,800 Cos I definitely don't need you. 550 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,000 Can I get your help with something? 551 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,040 Yeah. 552 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,880 ♪ This European air, I swear it does 553 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:23,199 ♪ Randomly I'm grateful for 554 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:27,439 ♪ Grateful for a night 555 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,040 ♪ Solemn night walker 556 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:36,040 ♪ Concrete over water 557 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:44,559 ♪ I think you remind me of the night 558 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,159 ♪ But also of the day 559 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:51,040 ♪ I think of Italy, champagne 560 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,640 ♪ I think of Spain 561 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:06,840 ♪ I wanna be there 562 00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:14,400 ♪ I want more than my head... ♪